Tears
I find myself so often in tears these days. All the time.
Anything seems to kick it off: a snippet of music, a flash of memory, guilt. Mostly guilt.
Roadside
I've been driving most of the weekend. Long, exhausting runs, without stopping - this is when I thought I could just drive forever. Hypnotised by the road surface, the noise, music. But thinking about her again after seeing her just a few hours ago, a deep sob bubbles up from somewhere: in seconds, I am shaking with the effort of deep, suppressed emotion emerging as wracking, bursting sobs. Overflowing. Absolutely overwhelming, overpowering. I can't see. I'm blind and shaking with uncontrollable spasms. Oh, Christ. Christ. I struggle to get the car over onto the hard shoulder and stop in the darkness. Somehow, managing to safely stop the car has released even more power to drive the tears and for what seems like forever. I weep uncontrollably. The storm slowly passes and recedes. An unmeasured time later I wake to find the engine still running. I'm empty. Time to go. I put it in gear, and drive on into the darkness.
Comments